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Life, love, lust and lunacies from the Sage of Topanga
A blog of general comment by one of L.A.'s best known commentator/essayists. Humor, drama, pathos, satire and, well, everything else.
As newspapers struggle to enhance their appeal to younger readers by dressing up their pages and limiting the use of words that exceed three syllables, I am filled with a growing need to help them survive.
Readers of my column may have noticed that my own strong response to the effort is to be less scholarly in my output, eliminating topics like war and the economy in favor of dating, text messaging and how to screw like a vampire.
Confusing words like ambience and environment no longer clutter my weekly essays while, on the other hand, I make good use of simpler terms such as she, it, crotch, butt and car, all of which contain a certain visual appeal to the young and the useless.
In addition to which, in a continuing effort to be a part of whas happnon (that is “what’s happening” in the slurred argot of the hip) I have assumed the slouch and cool disdain of today’s young men, wearing my pants low enough to expose half of my behind and a T-shirt emblazoned with a series of suggestions of what you can do if you don’t like it.
But that isn’t enough, I hear you cry, to save print journalism anymore than a nice dinner and good music could save the Titanic, another fine example of the cosmetic approach of form over function. Newspapers need to be generally jazzed up. The reader, or at least the newspaper buyer, has to be grabbed by the testicles, as a friend used to say, and dragged to the newsstand.
It’s a question of editorial staffs digging for the right topics and dangling them like bikini panties out of a hotel window in order to attract attention. Toward this end, the supermarket tabloids, once dismissed by the straight press as an insult to our intelligence, seem no longer all that much of an insult when one is attempting with some desperation to lengthen the life of a newspaper.
The Globe, for instance, offers a current edition almost blinding in its array of color photographs and glaring headlines, announcing inside topics with the flare of a circus barker. Some examples:
“Camilla Dumps Charles—For a Woman!”
“OBAMA’S WIFE ATTACKS OPRAH! ‘Back off! There’s only room for one First Lady in the White House.’”
“What’s up Paula Abdul’s Nose?”—(accompanied by a close-up of her nose and an arrow that points to what appears to a speck of white dust in the right nostril), with a boxed comment, in case you missed the impact, “photo shocker!”
Inside, among pictures of Mamie Van Doren’s amazing 77-year-old breasts, astrological forecasts, celebrity styles and a “new book bombshell” about the late Sammy Davis Jr.’s dope-fed sexual madness, we get to the stories alluded to on the tabloid’s cover page, all of which are presented in garish patterns of red, blue and gold and headlines that continue to scream their accusations, except that now they are followed by small, barely noticeable boxes: “Insiders say.”
In other words, if the report isn’t true, it isn’t the fault of the Globe but of the lying insiders who betrayed the trust of the editors by feeding them misinformation. Oh, well, it happens. The name of the insider, by the way, is protected by newspaper tradition and by various extended shield laws that embrace us like a mother’s cuddling arms.
While today’s struggling newspapers offer occasional bells and whistles in their effort to appeal to those who don’t read newspapers it won’t be long before they realize their pathetic efforts at redesign aren’t working and begin taking lessons from the supermarket tabloids.
One can imagine typical headlines: “Oprah in Line for Cabinet Job!” “Bill Clinton Joins Monastery!!!” “Brad Pitt Pregnant!”—subhead, “How he did it.” And finally, “Katie Couric and Sarah Palin to wed! Jesse Jackson to Perform Rites in Ketchikan!”
Open the pages and one will find considerably less than promised by the headlines. In fact, there is really no crying need to have a story at all unless it’s a play on words—Bill Clinton, for example, actually joining a monastery to raise money for organizations in need of funds to pay him for speaking at their annual fund raising events. He feels their pain.
Insiders say.
47 comments
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January 11, 2009 at 5:42 am
donald watson
damn al, you were one of only two reasons to visit this once great newspaper, it’s been going downhill since big Otis left. i will miss your wit. wisdom and eloquence ( not too bad for an old marine). my best to you and cinelli.
January 11, 2009 at 5:47 am
donald watson
al, the other reason is steve lopez. how long will he last in sam zell’s world. this from don in mobile, al (still looking for sin down here)
January 11, 2009 at 7:10 am
S. Shampine
Seems the other shoe finally dropped. Just wonder how long it will be before my other faves such as Sandy Banks and Steve Lopez are cut from the staff as well. Good luck, Al. Definitely will be watching for you on the internet.
January 11, 2009 at 7:19 am
Cathy B
Al, very sorry to read this news. I will write the paper to express my sentiments regarding the decision.
Sorry also to have found your column such a short time ago. Looked forward to your thoughts and words each Monday morning, and I’ll miss that.
Thank you and all the best to you and your family.
January 11, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Dianna Moore
I’m sorry to hear the news but not surprised; it’s all Rupert Murdoch’s fault, may he rot in hell!
The “dumbing down of America” has been one of my pet peeves but there seems to be nothing we can do to prevent it. We CAN voice our opinions but we are outnumbered in this fight.
I will miss your column.
January 11, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Loel Schrader
Al: I wrote the first time the Times tried this and called the editor a “dumb shit.” It seemed to work. They kept you on. I’m attempting to think of something more effective than “dumb shit.” Give me a day or two. Al, I started working on a newspaper in 1941 at 16 and I still grind out columns for a football publication called “USC Report.” Pretty bad stuff, but I’m still trying. Anty suggestions beyond dumb shit? Best, Loel Schrader, Palm Desert, CA
January 11, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Keith Pittell
One doesn’t stop fighting when a (good) commander retires.
The American Revolution continues… in battling the greed, corruption, betrayal and division embraced by King George and his minions.
And though it’s almost always an uphill struggle, maybe change has come…
You’ll watch it, Mr. Martinez, from the bleachers with the rest of us. I’ll bring the beer…
January 11, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Gerald Romanik
Dear L.A.Times:
Your decision to discontinue the Al Martinez colum is a further example of your short sighted attempt to retain subscribers by offering an imitation of a true newspaper. You have slowly but surely emasculated what was once a fine paper. The only thing that keeps you in business, at this juncture, is the fact that you have no true rivals in this area.
You should be ashamed of yourselves for acting as accountants, if you are, and not as journalists, which you should be. If you continue to cut away at what was the cult of the paper, you will lose your readership and the advertisers will follow suit. BAH HUMBUG
January 11, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Julie
I always look forward to your column in the LA Times and I am so sorry to hear you will not be writing it anymore. I will write to them to tell them off! In the meantime, I will enjoy your blog. Take care!
January 11, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Rob Robinson
I rarely agreed with your leftish positioning on political matters, but you are a Korea Marine and you were, and are, clear in your exposition of these odd stances you take. For that you have now, and always will have, my high esteem.
With the Times’ shift to the Left after the arrival of our ‘guests’ from Chicago, I figured you had it knocked. But I was wrong. In addition to the editorial board’s new-found inability to to keep editorials [usually pro-Obama or anti-Palin/McCain] out of the News Section, the Times also lost what little good taste that might have exsited before the new denizens of the top floor left O’Hare. Witness: your departure.
Wear the esteem shown you by this pack of ignorant, knuckle-dragging poll-chasers as a badge of honor.
January 11, 2009 at 8:39 pm
kananifong
Hi Al,
Yes, mainstream newspapers will have to use lots of exclamation marks.
January 11, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Richard T.
Al, you will be deeply missed by all your readers. I am drafting a nasty e-mail to the Times management to let them know what I think about their stupid decisions.
Hang in there, and keep writing.
Richard T.
January 12, 2009 at 8:51 am
Rod
The dumbing down of print media as so incitefully described in your blog is indeed a sad commentary on an unhappy trend, for those of us who actually like to “think” when we read. However, perhaps the only consolation is we can look to the net for intellectual commentary and real news from those sites who care to offer it.
January 12, 2009 at 8:54 am
Barbara Blum
I cancelled my subscription a long time ago- the first time you were let go. But I found your writings on the internet, and that sustains me. You are young and vibrant and exciting and LITERATE, at least to someone like me at 81 years old .
Keep writing.
Barbara
January 12, 2009 at 11:15 am
Sue Dall
A week after my first grandchild was born I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. After the initial shock and with the assumption that I would die, all I could think about was I would not be part of that lovely child’s life. Here I am 12 years later and I am a part of her life as well as the lives of three other grandchildren. There is hope, Al, but I know the sadness and fear you and your family are feeling. We’re sending positive thoughts and love your way. You’ve been hit with a lot recently.
January 12, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Cynthia Carle
This is not a surprise. It’s the new LA Times. The non LA Times. The never again LA Times. I’ll read the NYT, and the WP, and your blog. You rock. They haven’t deserved you for some time. I wrote them:
The LA times is like a thrashing, desperate comic who’s ready to try anything, anything, to try to stop the exodus heading for the door. Losing Al Martinez is one last stupid joke.
Silly me. I was assuming they had somebody there who could read.
Cynthia Carle
January 12, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Julie Muhlstein
Love you, Mr. Martinez. Your work is not, will not be, forgotten.
Meanwhile, up here in the Northwest, The Seattle Post-Intelligencer is up for sale by Hearst, with little chance of a buyer. Word from Hearst is that unless the P-I is sold, publication will cease (except perhaps an online version with much smaller staff) within 60 days.
January 13, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Don
Here we go, again!
What is wrong with these people? The world is screamin’ for words of some logic and realism … some connect to things that go bump in the night, knock the block off the corporate shoulder, find color in a sunset and humor in bodily aging.
We, the simple minded, the lords of laziness, the gurus of the obvious, must find ways to pontificate. We cannot forget how wonderful it is to sit under a giant oak tree and devour a tangy apple.
I saw the full moon burst up from behind the San Bernardino Mountains just after sunset last Saturday. What glory! How massive its size! How could one not feel like he (or she) wasn’t privy to some private, mystic, glace into the inner workings of the cosmos?
For an instant, the economy, the war, politics and media madness went away while I was carried aloft in flight of majesty and beauty.
The storytellers must prevail over the tundra of trivia that covers our days and makes nights sleepless.
One by one, the big media eats the still small voices until the forest is silent. There is a song from Ireland that sings of their long battles … “an eye for an eye until all were made blind.” Is that our eventual pathway?
So … let’s all bring our soap boxes to the town sqaure and await the dawn to tell our stories to those that still have ears to hear and hearts to love.
January 13, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Paul Gastwirth
Al,
I’ve been following you since I lived in L.A. from 1979-1990. I’m sorry to hear about your forced semi-retirement. But, F…. ‘Em, they don’t get it and won’t be around much longer anyway.
Keep up the excellent work and stay young!
Paul
January 13, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Pete Parsons
Al
Since I retired a few years ago, I have fixed the morning cofee, fetched the times and read your columns to my wife when they appeaared before she gets out of bed. We discuss your ability to get deep into human relationships and express things is such a beautiful use of words. We wonder how Cinelli puts up with you but have concluded that she does because you two love each other.
We’ll miss you and will tell the Times they have diminished the paper .
Pete and Nancy Parsons
January 16, 2009 at 10:00 am
Peggy Webber
Dear Al Martinez, they don’t know what they’ll miss til it’s gone..I am four
years older than you.. and I keep reading articles that say we can all live to be 150, if we care to.. stem cell replacements etc.
Some of the youngest and smartest people I know, are in their 90’s..Youngsters can’t talk anymore..they are into mind reading..Which incidentally works..
Another, better door will open for you. You are still a kid.
Love,
Peggy Webber
January 16, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Alan Weeks
Al, we are all going to miss your columns. But I am glad you will still keep your Blog. Your above article was sharp satiric and very funny. But a real
accurate discription of todays newspapers. I am sorry that the Times is headed in the same direction. The schools are turning out more and more students who can’t read. Soon there will no longer be a need for Newspapers. Sad day. You take care of your self and keep on trucking.
January 16, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Gigi
I found your blog while searching for the LA Times letters-to-the-editors-link. I have duly written and told them what I think of the situation, for all that that’s worth, which I imagine is not very much. I can only tell you how much my husband and I have enjoyed your columns over the years, and how much the poetry, wit and wisdom of your prose have stayed with me long after I put the paper down. I am sorry to lose you (and my morning paper!) but am very happy to have found your site.
January 17, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Alfred
Heh, WTG! and, naturally, Woot!
Followed you here, thanks for staying in touch and on top of things - I’ve always enjoyed you columns there, and am sure will continue to do so here.
The ‘free’ internet model of news delivery can’t continue forever - something’s got to give. Besides the obivious (sorrowfully, such as your employment, and the entire newsprint business) - and the fact that I have no idea on the internet if what I’m reading has any truth anymore - what other changes do you think are in store for the near term?
I see no solution except less actual news, and more unemployment.
Sadly,
AMW
January 19, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Dawna
If the Times wants to play like that, we’ll just read you here. They can’t take your keyboard away! (I will use mine to register a strong complaint too.)
January 19, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Marisa Treviño
Hi Al,
Though you don’t know me, I’ve long been an admirer of your work. I happen to believe strongly in promoting commentary from the Latina/o perspective. I would love to explore ways to collaborate with you.
All the best,
Marisa Treviño
Publisher of Latina Lista
http://www.latinalista.net
January 21, 2009 at 9:25 am
Nate
Great stuff as always ! keep it up ! .
January 21, 2009 at 11:46 am
Karla Edwards
Al….
Do you still have an e-mail address? I just sent off my letter to the editor and the blind cc to you came back.
Thanks !
Karla
January 21, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Rodger Sterling
Sorry to have read your last column. If you ever get antsy and want to sound off on anything - we’d love to feature you on our editorial page. Also, if you get tired of retirement, I’m always a good pigeon for a lunch! Good luck - Rodger Sterling,
Valley News Group
PS - sorry this is so late. Couldn’t open your zip drive. Can you send the release as a Word document? Thanks!~
January 24, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Bill Bush
Al… great job writing for the past upteen years in the LA Times and I hope you’ll be writing for all of us fans for umpteen more! I looked forward to your column and I wrote countless letters of complaint to the stupid editors when this “phase out Al” campaign started.
I teach creative writing at the UCLA Extension and always referred my students to your column - we will all miss you.
We’ll all keep up with your blog.
Keep up the great work of thinking and crafting and writing so beautifully!
January 24, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Aiko Backhus
Dear, Dearest Friend (if I may be so “forward”…cuz that’s how you make us feel when reading your articles…and many others, I’m sure, respond and feel the same as we do),…anywhos, much belated but all the same, our (husband, Craig, and I) response to the L.A. Times for letting you go AGAIN, MADE US FEEL SO ANGRY AND DISAPPOINTED WITH THEIR DECISION, THAT WE SIMPLY CANCELLED OUR SUBSCRIPTION!!!
YUP!!! HOW DARE THEY? DIDN’T THEY LEARN FROM THE FIRST TIME??? So like all the other thousands of saddened readers/loyal fans of yours, we will ADJUST (and REadjust) to another CHANGE IN OUR LIVES…THIS TIME FOR THE WORSE…BUT WE SHALL OVERCOME (eventually)!
We shall definitely “BE IN TOUCH” via your blog, cuz we ain’t saying adios/sayonara/adieu…but instead tell you that you’ve been a GREAT PART OF OUR LIVES, AND WE MISS YOU TERRIBLY. AND I WILL TELL YOU AGAIN IN ALL SERIOUSNESS THAT IF EVER…EVER YOU AND YOUR TERRIFIC WIFE COME TO THE DESERT (NOW is a great time to visit the desert…), it would truly be a PLEASURE AND HONOR TO HAVE YOU TWO (and any pets cuz we’re ‘pet people’) visit and join us for cocktails and a fun dinner in our home…or lunch…whatever your pleasure. We live in Sun City Palm Desert. We’d be DELIGHTED!!! Pls pass this invitation to Cinelli (probably misspelling her name…sorry!), cuz she just MIGHT say: “Why Not? They can’t be ALL BAD IF THEY’VE BEEN READING YOU FOR ALL THESE YEARS!!”
Regretably and Most Fondly,
Aiko and Craig (recently lost 2 beloved cats)
Sat/Jan 24th-2009
(760) 360-9234
aiko2craig@earthlink.net
January 24, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Ann Hoffman
I finally get up the nerve to write to you at the Times after years of enjoying your column and observing from the outside all the goings ons with Cinelli and the family and Its Over… Shocked
So I will keep up with the Blog
Annie
January 25, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Sheila Seymour
Thank God for blogs…now we won’t have to go without your unique perspective on life! Am looking forward to reading all you can give us.
January 25, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Prosy Delacruz
Please include me for your writers workshop in Topanga…my phone number is 323-424-2695…
January 25, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Hugh Scheffy
Al, a little bit of the LA Times dies with your departure. I’ve enjoyed reading you and perhaps another resurrection lies ahead.
Hugh
January 25, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Rosella Alm
Dear Al,
After much consideration I decided to stay a subscriber of the Times even though they canned the best columnist in it for a lot of reasons:
1. I have always read the Times, for most of my 67 years since I could read.
2. I love newspapers, and would would hate to contribute to their demise by withdrawaing my support, even though it is one subscription.
3. My husband really likes the funny papers.
4. I get the real news from the Christian Science Monitor
I remember when both the Times and the Examiner were delivered in the morning, and the Herald was an evening paper, and cost only 2 cents. We had such a choice in those days The Espress, The Mirror, as well as local papers such as the Southwest Wave.
I gusee we are becoming either more illiterateor less interested in actual news..
As recently as the 80’s the Times had writers who would regularly do a whole scholarly series about a subject and it ran for several days.
I will look forward to you blogs continuing and will enjoy them since you are free of the constraints recently imposed both by subject, spelling and grammar.
May you and lovely Cinelli enjoy Topang sunrises and sunsets, your love and loyalty forever,
Rosella
January 25, 2009 at 7:31 pm
pilar curren
I am so happy I did not lose you! I will faithfully read you blog.Thank you! I wrote to The Times but my e-mail was ignored. Not surprised.
January 26, 2009 at 12:49 am
cece gordon
Dear Friend…Glad your back in some incarnation…As ever cece gordon
January 28, 2009 at 3:34 am
Hannah Almstead
With you and your family in prayer.
glad you are blogging.
Hannah Almstead, Encino
January 28, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Pete Tittl
Please keep blogging so we can read your pithy commentary, which was one of the few assets still left at The Times until recently…
January 29, 2009 at 5:08 am
susan and peggy banashek
When and where will you teaching the art of a sentence?
January 30, 2009 at 11:58 am
Sybil Buff
How could the Times treat their best columnist this way? I will certainly write to them and encourage others to oppose your “nudging out”. I was sad when the column only appeared once a week. Please keep on writing. Look forward to your next book and possible appearance at UCLA Bookfair in April.
February 2, 2009 at 9:18 am
Carl
As the once venerable Los Angeles Times sinks into the frigid depths of Sam Zell impotence, maybe, Al, you’re better off at a comfortable distance in a lifeboat, hopefully with navy grog and Talullah Bankhead aboard.
February 2, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Anne P. Warman
Al, as much as I am grieving your no longer writing for the LAT, I am so grateful for your gift of this blog. Thanks a million. I do love your writings and so appreciate your sense of humor in these difficult times.
All my best to you and Cinelli. (Anne)
February 23, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Marilyn Jensen
As always, you said it all. Now that I’ve got my new ocmputer figured out (more or less) I’ll be checking in often. Mondayornings just aren’t the same without you.
February 27, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Sandra Cormier
Maybe it’s time for all of us to return to the days of Vaudeville. With all the doom and gloom around us, a little levity can’t hurt.
March 9, 2009 at 5:01 am
Bob Davis
I think it was H. L. Mencken who made the comment about “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public”. Otherwise, why would papers waste ink on subjects such as Paris Hilton or Britney Spears? It’s not just newspapers; TV seems to have gone downhill over the last 20 years. One of the things that really bugged me was the coverage in the papers of “The Sopranos” series (Which I couldn’t watch even if I wanted to because we don’t have cable). Those shows glorified gangsters! hoodlums! I found the whole idea sickening! If it were up to me, people who provide the prototypes/models for programs like this would be taken out and shot, along with a large assortment of other scumbags who infest our world.